There are three of us now – me, you and the baby

November 16, 2011 § Leave a comment

What happens, when a child is born and from being a couple you become a group of three? What changes in the relationship, when a child joins a young family?


First of all it is a miracle of overwhelming joy to see your baby for the first time – only those, who are parents have experienced such a unique feeling. It’s also a feeling of fulfillment – once you have a baby, you understand, that you will never be lonely in your life again, that now there is one person, who will always love you without any conditions no matter what happens. And your baby will bring you joy and cheer you up every day, you have a new and important reason to live, to work and to struggle. You also have a new reason to be thankful. For many people other issues, which made the most important core of their lives become less important, when a baby is born. It is a time, when values can change as well as the thoughts of life.


But does everything stay the same in the relationships of a couple? The first months are not easy – the new parents can’t get enough sleep, the baby needs to be fed once in two or three hours. If one of the parents is working in this period, working days can get pretty hard after a lot of sleepless nights. Stress, physical discomforts and the lack of sleep can make a tension in the relationship of the new couple, especially if it is their first child. If the parents don’t get out of home often and don’t meet a lot of other people, the situation can get even worse. It is also harming, if they can not rest from the parents’ duties and spend some time in private. There is a high possibility to get irritated, tired and querulous. Quarrels can occur even upon small causes. In this period it is very important to get enough rest and sleep and to arrange some entertainment together beside the care for the child.


Another issue, that changes is the level of responsibility. Both partners in the couple realize, that they can not plan their activities, holidays or other events without taking into consideration the needs of the child. Spontaneous ideas are not possible anymore – the further life has to be planned in advance. The changes in responsibility refer to the budget of the couple as well. The income has to be steady and reliable to provide a sense of security to the family. It can give additional stress to the parents, especially the father, from whom all the society expects to be a reliable supporter of the family. If there is a problem with the income or the work place is not permanent, the new father can experience an oppressive pressure from the spouse, the society and from his own judgements. It can lead to an inferiority complex, permanent frustration and anger. Living together can become hard, if anger takes over in every little quarrel.

It is very important for women to remember to pay enough attention to their men. The birth of a child can make the father feel insecure. If the young mother pays all her attention to the child and the father is left ignored, he can get a feeling, that he is not needed anymore, that his woman will give all her love and care to the child now and he will be left with nothing. It can make the man uncertain about his partner’s feelings towards him. It is very important to avoid that from the very beginning.

It can be hard for both parents to change their lifestyles for 180 degrees, to have less freedom and more duties and a new, high level of responsibility. It is also physically hard to take care of a new, demanding personality, who doesn’t take “no” for an answer. Especially hard it can be for somebody, who is not used to take care of anybody else. But no matter, how hard it gets, it is worth doing it. Especially after the first few months, when you notice your baby smiling at you for the first time, saying the first words and starting to do all kinds of funny activities. Your child loves you more than anybody else, trusts you and relies on you – you can not have such an invaluable bond with anybody else. It is a tremendous happiness to have a child and it is certainly worth the hard time in the beginning.

You are welcome to share your experience here about the birth of your child. How did you feel in the first months? Did something change in your relationship? And how about your perception of life?


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